In this life we are faced with things that hurt. We have to be strong and roll with the punches. When life smacks you down, you dust yourself off and get up and keep going. Well right now I'm hurting. I'm trying to get up to face the next punch but I'm afraid of it, it hurts soo bad. I'm still down in the dust. I need to get up. I will explain.
Today this guy like pinned me up agaisn't the locker at school and started kissing me..I pulled away and was like wtf. I don't appreciate being touched like that without my consent. I felt really confused and hurt. I mean who was this guy to think that he could just violate me like that, do I not get any respect as a girl? I walked away not really knowing what to do but knowing that he had done wrong. Well it just so happens that this other guy saw his little act of violation and he went up to him after school and tripped, saying that he shouldn't touch me or any other girl when they don't want to be touched. I was scared when this happened. I am scared of problems, I like things to be happy and cheerful and for things to run smoothly. I don't want to fight, or be angry. Yet I knew that it was wrong and I was in someways glad that he had been told but I knew that it wouldn't end there. Sure enough after school this girl (one of the guys friends) is trippen because she says that I supposedly got a bunch of guys to go after her friend, truth is I never "got" them to go after him, they did it because they thought that what he does and did is wrong. Maybe if I was a stronger person I would of held my own. So anyways this girl wants to like beat me up or something. I don't really care its just that I don't like to be hated or disliked. I don't like arguing or fighting.
Chris was really great, he talked to me about it. I almost cried when I talked to him. I held back my tears all the way from when school was out and then on the bus and then walking home I let one slide pathetically down my cheek. Then, in my room I cried and cried. It hurts soo bad, and I have no one. No one. I wish I was a stronger person. Or maybe I could be digustingly ugly and guys wouldn't care about me anyways..
So I guess thats the first mark on my clean slate.
* a tired song keeps playing on a tired radio..and I won't tell anyone you name *