I don't expect my family to really feel the same way I do about this. They don't know Jason like I do. Dammit, he's my first cousin and the only one of my cousins that I can actually say I know. Jason and I talked about alot of things this summer. I didn't want to save his life, but I did want to show him that not everyone that cares about him are drug addicts, not all of them. I know my aunt is crazy, but I don't care. This is my family..doesn't that mean anything to my parents, at all? Dad, casually announces that Jason only has a week to live, like its not suppost to mean anything to me. God, I care about him..I know soo much about him. I know his bestfriend overdosed in January and died. I know that he would have done it then too if he could of, he tried too. I know he spent Christmas in emergency and dammit I know he sells drugs to his own mother. Its not his fault. What else could he expect, he was growing drugs in his bedroom when he was only 15! This summer we talked about it. He told me he would never turn out like his mom, I laughed at him then but I guess he won't be..not if he dies.
Out of all my cousins Jason is my favorite. He is a talented horse back rider and hockey player. Its not his fault his life went off course, look at his mother. I lived with her for 3 summers and I'm sure I've been emotionally scared for life because of it. Look at his brother, younger then him and already deeper down the same road has him. Look at his father, Manic depressive, gay. Damn, what do u expect, the guy to be an angel? If someone in my family dies, I don't care how well I know him, I don't care how much I get to see him, I'm going to be hurt by it no matter what. Besides that Jason doesn't deserve to die.
I don't like it when Dad fights with Aunt Fran. They don't realize it but it is really hard on me. I am not a child anymore. I have feelings of my own and I make decisions of my own. Sometimes I hate my Aunt, sometimes I don't. I never really like her but I feel like I have to keep in touch with her, its like my duty or something, and everytime they argue or she gets mad at me it makes my job harder..I dunno what to do anymore..I guess I'll just let everything go..that seems to be what Dad has done..
( Liz )