"I'm not a bitch. I just need to express myself. I can't hold this all inside."
Why does it make me uncomfortable to think that someone knows everything about me? Shouldn't that make me feel good, or am I allowed to want to have things that I only know.
I am trying to work things out for the summer. I don't know what to do. I love Lindsay more then anything. I really want Checkmate to work out, but I need to do what is best for my goals. Its very confusing. I guess I'm at the point where I have to make sacrifices, I gave up my family, now, I'm going to give up my friends. This better be worth it. My Dad might not come and live here next year. It breaks my heart and it scares me. I really don't want my family to fall apart. I know Mom and Dad love each other, but still..I don't know if I could bare to see them apart. I don't know if it would work. I don't know.
Irina slept over last night. We watched movies and talked, basically caught up I hadn't seen her in a while. I lay in bed just talking about nothing to her until like three in the morning. I must of driven her insane, but she didn't mind. I think thats what I love about all my closest friends. They let me talk and complain and bitch..when I need to, and they listen and laugh. I try to make my bitching into a comedy act so I don't sound that..uhh bitchy? lol, but like I said I'm not really a bitch its just that I deal with so many stuck up and insecure people everyday that I need to let it out and whose better to do it with then your best friends? Or..my faithul diary! :)
I am going to school tomorrow!]
I am a bit excited.
Actually. I'm not.
xox Liz.
"If theres a reason. Its lost on me. Maybe we'll be friends. I guess we'll see."