I haven't written in forever. Not that it matters much. My life is absolutely insane lately. I really have no stable situation anywhere. I guess the only thing thats stable is my relationship with my horse. some damn animal that I am a personal slave to pretty much everyday of the week. Oh, but its not as bad as it sounds, or is it?
I work 15 hour days, 5 days a week, then I have about a day and a half off. One, which I sleep the whole day and the other which I struggle and "try" to do school work but I am usually so preoccupied with every other problem a teenage girl could have in life that I get nothing done. Yes, I'll probably be doing 3 grade 10 classes in grade 11. Big fucking deal, I have my whole life ahead of me to sort things out.
The show season is looming up on me. Things are insane I have to work out things with my parents because the money situation is a big thing, especially when you ride horses. Oh god, I get so fustrated and mad when I think that most kids my age don't have to do all this themselves, I mean look after myself from paying bills, to buying food and clothes, to transportation. I am a little bug attatching myself on to the bigger life source to survive. and then i get yelled at for not being appreciative.
I have 3 sets of parents. It sounds good. but in truth none of them actually physically do anything to help me. They yell, and give unwanted advice and tell me all the things I do wrong and that I basically never do anything right. One are my actual parents, my dads ok, but only because he is pretty much neutral and unopinionated in any decision that is made. My mother on the other had is nuts and has no understanding of me and my life what so ever. This I blame on the fact that she basically neglected me for the first 8 years of my life..yes, that was harsh.
Next is my Coach. She is old and can be very neurotic. She yells almost all the time and I can't do anything right with her either. I work 15 hour days for her and get yelled at because she is doing soo much for me. ahh..
I could go on but all this complaining is giving me a headache. I had to do it though, It would of built up inside me and I would of burst if I had not.
So thanks!
Liz!