My life is changing really fast. I'm not sure how to slow it down. I know that things are changing I can feel it, I don't want to move away next year and forget about my friends and the memories I have, or replace them with new ones. I know it will happen though, and it hurts to think about it. I'll have new friends, and new memories and I'll laugh and talk about boys with other girls. It will happen to all of us eventually, we will all grow up, but it seems since I'm the first from our group to go that I should hang on as long as I can or maybe I should just let go, and move on, let myself change. We all need change, but maybe I am pushing myself into it too quickly. Change is like water its great fun to jump into, but if you try to jump in without thinking you can get seriously hurt. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone else. I just want to leave.
I have been thinking alot about why I have done all the stupid things I've done in my life. I don't regret any of them. I have learned from them all but its not easy..growing up isn't easy. I don't blame my actions on anyone but myself. I don't understand why I just didn't stop after the first time. It would have been the better thing for me to have done. I guess I like to disrespect myself at times, and forget about everything and get carried away in the moment. I don't know why..but I don't care why either. Its my life and it has gave me double the strength its taken out of me.
Love Always
Liz
* as we go on, we remember, all the times we had together *