I haven't written in here in like a year.
Fuck, I just want to write what comes to my head, I don't know about things right now. I don't know sometimes what I am doing, but then things seem to pull themselves together.
My sister was here last night, She was here and then she was gone. It hurts so bad sometimes when I think everything is my fault. When I think that my family is separated cause of me. Cause of my selfish wants and needs and desires. my dreams and goals burdening us all with their challenges. fuck them.
I just have to get through tomorrow. I have 2 tests and work/riding after school. fuckkk. I can't do this. Mom is supportive but I still feel alone.
I feel like just another adolescent teen blabbling on about all the normal things teens complain about. but right here. right now. it is soo much more then that. its pain. and hard for me. School is hell. A complete mess. I'm not the person I used to be. I have to work to find the fun in things, I don't laugh easy, I'm depressed and touchy a lot of the time. My coach pissed me off today. I'm over tired. Things are just piling up. I'm fucking suffocating here.